There are times that we have to decide what is better or what will do better base on our own point of view. Our brain is programmed to protect our sanity that’s why it serves as the final decision maker to what we are going to choose and what path are we going to follow and lived, emotions and feelings just took part in the whole thing. As I read this reflection paper’s topic, I tried to recall all the past decision I had made in my sixteen years of existence and had categorized them into good and bad ones. Good, for me because in one way or another it had resulted fine or I could say I didn’t regret it. And Bad, for some reasons that if I were given a chance I would gladly turn back time and change that decision.
Now talking about the worst decision I’ve made is such a hard one. Why? Because I can’t really say that it is the worst, I mean all things happened for a reason and every bad thing is good thing because we learn. What I’m trying to say is that if I were to change it by going back to the past, the ME now would be different. And that make things so complicated.
Let’s not talk about the worst, but what I want to share is that one decision I’ve done that until now I’m still regretting why I did such, because now I’m having a hard time recovering from it, and it really did affected my inner self a lot than I expected it to be.
As I watched an anime drama having three sisters as the main cast, I really envied them. I wish I could have that bond between my two younger sisters too. I am an expressive person to others but why I can’t establish a connection with my sisters. It’s so hard for my feelings to reach them. It seems there miles away or maybe I am the one keeping distance from them, not trying to understand them.
I admit that being the eldest, there are a lot of responsibilities and roles that I have to play and I don’t have time to make fuss around. I started being bossy around them and I wanted things to be organized before Mom and Dad arrived from work. From that experience, I decided to stop the childish act with my sisters and started to act as a mature individual even if I’m not. I shouted at them when they don’t follow my orders, slap their buts when they commit a mistake and even to the extent of throwing their toys coz they just left it scattered around the room and don’t even bother to keep it. It’s too late when I had realized that it’s not good to do such. And I’m just increasing the distance between the three of us. I was even told by one of them that “Why I am their sister?” and Ouch! That hurts.
When I’m away from home, I missed them a lot of course. But when I got home, what I wanted to do when I’m away I do the contrast, then I became the demon sister as they called me. I tried to change but my ego is so hard to break. I kept on doing the same things all over again. And it ended wrong. Now, my second sister bullies our youngest sister, but since our youngest is much more maldita than the two of us, no one gets to win in the fight. In the end it’s still my parents’ burden on what to do to the two of them. How could I ever wish to change the things I’ve done, if I could just turn back time. I would have the best bonds I could have with my sisters.
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